The Apocalypse is Nigh

Either 2012 really is right around the corner or my life has become a total comedy of ironic absurdity and I should just throw myself under a bus and end it all anyway. I have two instances of proof:

 

  1. Somewhere very near my townhouse is a beeping smoke detector that has been making the “dead battery” beeping noise for LITERALLY MONTHS and no one has changed it or ripped it out of the wall in a fit of rage. I can hear it each night lying in bed since its windows open season. The beeping has gone on for so long that I now kind of find it to be soothing white noise easing my passage to Slumbertown. When it finally dies or is replaced I probably won’t be able to fall asleep! Did someone die in their apartment? Do we have a hoarder in our midst who has inadvertently barricaded themself in bed? A secret 800 pound neighbor perhaps? A deaf person with no hearing-abilitied friends? So many theories. I may never know, but the beep truly is a mystery of our time.

 

    2. In my open floor plan office, I am seated near an anonymous individual who on a multiple-times-per-day basis swears out loud, pounds his desk, throws his headphones, etc, clearly in reference to clients/coworkers who are frustrating him.  How HR has yet to have a field day with this one I will never know. However today I realized something quite remarkable. Whenever he sneezes, he APOLOGIZES for it via saying “excuse me.” I AM DUMBFOUNDED. How can the two thoughts “it’s totally normal to drop eff bombs all day long at work” and “it’s totally normal to apologize for sneezing” exist in one (clearly deranged) brain?  If I ever really get desperate need an out I’m going to start swearing and throwing thing and then when they fire me, sue them for gender bias. I should probably get on this prior to this person’s clearly inevitable murderous workplace rampage. BOO YAH.
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